Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
