No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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