dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
