is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
