Betty ford says i'm here all night
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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