i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
