He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Randomize
