The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
