I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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