i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Randomize
