I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
