Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
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