I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Randomize
