Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
