Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
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