How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
