he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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