Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
