Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
