I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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