the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
