The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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