She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Girls should come with a carfax report
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Randomize
