being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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