I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
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