Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
