I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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