Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
