last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Randomize