Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
