yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize
