Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Randomize
