Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
