Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
