end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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