Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
