Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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