Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
