hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
