Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
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