went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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