your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
