Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
My feet surprised me
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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