chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
