Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
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