i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Randomize
