I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
