He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
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