I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
These tits shall not be calmed
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
