i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Randomize
