the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
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