so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
